My last post cliff hanged with
the mention of me being at the Kreuzberg Coffee Company. I will settle all of
your anticipation, yes; my first breakfast burrito review after my second and
third rounds of preliminary research is at Kreuzberg. Kreuzberg is located in
downtown San Luis Obispo and is well known for being a cozy hipster coffee shop
for students to order one coffee and then sit there for the rest of the day
working on school projects. This is a widely accepted description of Kreuzberg,
but I wanted to let everyone aware that Kreuzberg is more than just a coffee
shop, they also have a wide range of food and other beverages, including a
breakfast burrito. Since my breakfast burrito blog has gotten so famous so fast
I
knew that I had to disguise myself for Kreuzberg would for sure be on the lookout
for my arrival. I don’t want to receive any special treatment due to my title,
I want to receive the treatment that the average customer would get, and
therefore a disguise to make me fit in with the coffee snob hipsters was necessary.
I put on my beanie, my plaid shirt, rolled up my jeans to show my trendy socks,
laced up my expensive boots, put on my non-prescription glasses, and slung a satchel
over my shoulder and headed to Kreuzberg. Once I entered the establishment I
looked at the menu and acted like I was deciding what to order. Little did that
mustached man knew that I only had one menu item on my mind, a breakfast
burrito (and a chai latte, because you know, when in Rome). After ordering, a
different mustached man called out “John” (although I told them specifically
that my name was Jonathon not John, John is my father’s name) and handed me my
chai latte, and after a few more minutes, my breakfast burrito. My initial thought
about the burrito was that it was on the small side, especially when I paid $9.50
(before tax) for it. When I order a breakfast burrito I half expect to need a
box so I can take leftovers home, but I knew that this wouldn’t be the case
today. Although it was on the small side, the burrito instantly made my mouth salivate
profusely, but this could be because it was 5:30pm and the only thing I had
today was five cups of coffee and a couple crackers. As I took a couple bites
of the burrito I realized that it consisted mainly of egg, like 80% egg. I like
eggs and all but 80% is a lot, and these eggs reminded me of eggs you would get
from a school cafeteria. The burrito also tastes a little bland, it was good
and all but it just tasted basic to me, you know? There wasn’t anything special
about the burrito and I was slightly disappointed after spending $9.50 for
mostly bland cafeteria eggs. Although the taste and price wasn’t up to par, the
atmosphere was amazing. Their atmosphere made me forget that I was in a public
coffee shop and took me to another world where I was being seduced by a sexy
cougar (of the human species) in her sensual bachelorette pad. Kreuzberg’s soft
music, homey décor, and mood lighting that takes place late in the day aided to
this ambiance. Due to the tasteful arousal
atmosphere I rate Kreuzberg a 5/5 on atmosphere, but a 2/5 for taste and 2/5
for price. In addition to my unhappiness with the high price of the burrito,
and how it was filled with cafeteria eggs, I am also unhappy on how Kreuzberg
is inconsistent with their menu. Before I eat at any breakfast burrito
establishment I do a thorough background check. During my background check on Kreuzberg
I looked on their online menu and saw that their breakfast burrito is advertised
as $8.75 and that customers are given the options of bacon or ham for meat, and
flour or corn tortilla. Going back to when I deceitfully was looking at the
menu in the establishment I saw that they advertised their breakfast burrito in
the store as $9.50 and that the description of the burrito was different from
the online one. Also, when I ordered, the mustached man did not ask me what
meat or type of tortilla I wanted. Kreuzberg, I ask you as a breakfast burrito connoisseur
to resolve these discrepancies. Until then I will continue to visit your
establishment, not for your breakfast burritos, but for the tasteful arousal that
you provide.
-Aroused San Luis Obispo Breakfast
Burrito Blogger
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